And the Losers Are . . .

Others insist it's the judge's offensive nature that really distinguishes her. In 1996 she made national news when she told a female defendant to turn her life around by running over to the nearest medical school and trying to pick up a doctor (Saffold happens to have married one).

Still others swear she's really Beelzebub in the body of a 56-year-old mother from Bratenahl. "Just look in her eyes," says one lawyer, with a shudder. "She looks . . . Aaaaaahhhhh!!"

But most attorneys agree on one basic principle: "She's just different than anyone else in that courthouse," says one lawyer. "She definitely marches to her own drummer."

Unfortunately, it sometimes seems as if her drummer is that one-armed dude from Def Leppard — if his Corvette overturned again, causing him to lose his other arm. "Judge Saffold either ignores the law or makes it up as she goes along," says one lawyer.

Exhibit A: the Ray Williams case.

Williams was a Benedictine High football star before he and some friends decided to go on a crime spree in 2004. They beat and robbed a teenager in East Cleveland, then used fake guns to rob Rodney Roberts. Unfortunately, Roberts had a real gun, and he shot and killed one of Williams' friends.

Prosecutors had an airtight manslaughter case against Williams and his accomplice — a charge that could have landed them 20 years each in the pen. But in a head-scratching decision, Saffold gave them probation. "I don't find a mean spirit in these kids," she said during sentencing.

Yet this was just the beginning. Last May, Williams' drug screen, a condition of his probation, turned up positive for weed. Saffold immediately ordered him to serve out his suspended three-year term. But a week later, Williams' lawyers came back to court with the results of a new, "independent" drug test, showing Williams was clean.

So Saffold made her decision the Cuyahoga County way — by believing the party with the most incentive to rig a test. Williams was free to go.

Her handling of the case was so bizarre it caused her to lose the endorsement of The Plain Dealer, which had been giving her glowing praise since she took the bench in 1995. "She has a troubling inability to take responsibility for her errors or shortcomings," read a 2006 editorial.

Yet the criticism didn't matter; Saffold won re-election. "She's electorally indestructible," says one lawyer. "I don't think she gets embarrassed."

After all, in Saffold's place of employment, obliviousness to one's shortcomings might be the most important qualification.

Most Likely to Party With North Korean Dictator Kim Jong-Il
David Matia
In a place with as many colorful characters as the Cuyahoga County courthouse, being named the biggest ego is sort of like being named the drunkest guy in a waffle house at 4 a.m. But among lawyers we surveyed, one name stood out as Megalomaniac of the Year: David Matia.

"Dave thinks he's smarter than any lawyer on the bench," says one attorney. In fact, if Judge Matia's opinion of himself got any bigger, it might need its own bailiff.

"Matia is arrogant, just arrogant," says another lawyer. "He thinks he is really something special."

Matia lets nothing stand in the way of his gavel — even that comic book we mortals like to call the U.S. Constitution. Last February, Matia shocked constitutional scholars everywhere when he blocked Channel 5 from airing a newscast about a shady Westlake spa that state inspectors had investigated for performing illegal medical services.

The spa sued the station after the first in a series of segments ran, claiming that to allow the second segment to run would cause irreparable harm to the business. Matia agreed, despite that whole First Amendment thing. Even after the spa dropped its lawsuit, allowing Channel 5 to air the second segment a day late, Matia refused to admit his bad judgment.

"They only missed two newscasts," he told The Plain Dealer, sparking perhaps the most biting criticism of a judge ever to grace the paper.

"Simply breathtaking," The PD wrote. "This is yet another horror story from a Cuyahoga County court, arguing for either a change in the way we select our judges or a law requiring would-be judges to pass a test before being allowed to appear on the ballot."

A third option was proposed by a Mentor man by the name of Ronald Dudas, who in 2005 was sentenced by Matia to 17 months for theft. Dudas was caught on tape discussing with fellow inmates his plan to put a hit on Matia. Obviously shaken, the judge brought along four armed guards when he testified against Dudas. When you have hair this perfect, you can't take any chances.

Most Likely to Be Scouted by Daytime Television
Timothy McGinty
It's a wonder Judge Timothy McGinty hasn't been stolen away by WB producers. His antics should make Judge Judy fear for her job. But he's having too much fun right where he is.