And the Losers Are . . .

"She tries hard," says one lawyer, yet she's "often totally ignorant of the law."

When she first ran in 1998, McCafferty had the legal knowledge of your stoned college roommate who'd just spent a few nights watching Law & Order. She was only seven years out of law school and had just been fired as a juvenile court magistrate after only months on the job. (Court officials said she had poor work habits.) The Cleveland Bar Association rated her "adequate," which is the legal version of saying, "She probably shouldn't be a judge, but at least she doesn't eat crayons."

Yet McCafferty had one thing going that would trump all else: an Irish name. That earned her the endorsement of the AFL-CIO and the Cuyahoga County Democratic Party — and an eventual victory over her more qualified opponent, Kathleen Craig, a former assistant prosecutor, who, unfortunately, couldn't get her name changed to O'Craig in time for the election.

Once McCafferty donned the robe, she proved to be even dumber than people had originally thought. In 2001 and 2002, 16 of her decisions were reversed on appeal. In one case, a black couple sued their landlord for racial harassment and won $80,000. Then appeals judges discovered that McCafferty had allowed the defense to show the jury reenacted pictures of the landlord's friend showing up on the couple's porch wearing a Ku Klux Klan hood. The jury had been hopelessly tainted, the appellate court ruled. Thanks to McCafferty's gaffe, the couple lost all of the money they'd already been awarded.

It's no wonder that two different lawyers described McCafferty as a "box of rocks" on our survey. "She can't spell 'lawyer,'" postulated a third.

McCafferty also seems to have a problem separating politics from the job. No sooner had she picked up her gavel than she was admonished by County Prosecutor Bill Mason for mailing out 495 campaign letters with county money.

Just a few years later, she was back on the hot seat. A Plain Dealer investigation uncovered that she'd handed out $26,000 worth of indigent-client cases to lawyers Thomas and Ralph DeFranco, who had donated generously to her campaign.

But lawyers say McCafferty has actually learned a thing or two over the years. A review of cases by The Plain Dealer in 2004 found her to be the most efficient judge on the bench, with a turnover time half that of some of her peers.

"She used to be the dumbest person to ever have a law degree," says one lawyer. "I think she has gotten better." We're pretty sure that was supposed to be a compliment.

Most Likely to Get Past Saint Peter
Stuart Friedman
If you're standing trial before Judge Stuart Friedman, thank the angels. In the parallel universe of Cuyahoga County justice, you've just performed the equivalent of walking blindfolded across a 33-lane highway and coming out unscathed.

Lawyers polled by Scene overwhelmingly rated Friedman as the most compassionate. "He really cares about people and problems," says one.

Says another: "I think he really tries to listen. He's very attentive."

Unlike some judges, Friedman doesn't seem to take joy in locking people up. Last July, when a drug-addicted man stole two historic bronze busts from the Cleveland Cultural Gardens, Friedman sent him to treatment instead of prison. He also created controversy when he chose probation for Karen Zemba, an unlicensed day-care provider who accidentally killed a child in her care in 2001 with a high dose of Benadryl. "I think he bends over backwards to be compassionate," says one lawyer.

And the judge isn't afraid to go toe-to-toe with the often overzealous Prosecutor's Office, which would indict a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich if the crust wasn't cut off. In 2003, Friedman threw out the involuntary manslaughter case of Thomas Feckler, who prosecutors claimed had beaten his elderly mother to death. Witnesses testified that accidental falls had caused her injuries.

Yet the decision that earned Friedman the most respect was the case of Lou Telerico, a millionaire ex-stockbroker standing trial for supposedly making a death threat against his wife's divorce lawyer, Vince Stafford.

Vince and his brother Joe have worked hard to earn twin reputations as the biggest A-holes this side of South Beach ["Monsters of Misery Court," April 26, 2006]. This time, it appeared Vince had pushed a bit too hard, teasing and taunting Telerico at a divorce settlement conference until the former stockbroker snapped, threatening to shoot Vince in the head.

Friedman's courtroom was packed with lawyers, judges, and court staffers eagerly awaiting the verdict. The judge's decision: Telerico committed no crime.

"Vince Stafford knew what buttons to push to incite Lou Telerico into overreacting," said the judge. For anyone who'd ever faced Vince in court, Friedman's decision was the equivalent of Grady Sizemore popping one over the Green Monster.

Most Likely to Be Ruled Incompetent to Stand Trial
Nancy Margaret Russo
No name sends more chills around the courthouse than Nancy Margaret Russo, Cleveland's own Queen of Scream. A sign tacked to her door reads, "The Wicked Witch Is In," and it's no Halloween decoration. Lawyers say her moods swing like a wrecking ball.